I just recently starting unearthing a lot about Columbine, the school shooting that happened April 20, 1999.

Most people wouldn't think of it anymore, as it happened so long ago. But ever since I listened to the song "Cassie" by Flyleaf, I suddenly had my eyes opened to Columbine. When it happened, I had only been 10 years old, in the fifth grade and had no idea what was happening. I didn't give it much thought. But now, my eyes are open, my mind is wide with thirst for information on just what happened.

Eric Harris and Dylan Kelbold, two students at Columbine high school planned this massacre for an entire year before implementing it. Statistics blamed video games, music and television when they didn't look at themselves first. Our youth of today learns from wars and political gain and campains rather than peers and positive commitment from their parents.

As a youngster I was bullied too. I was ADHD diagnosed, with my fair share of teasings and beatings. One time in kindergarten, the students on my bus would kick me in the back so much, they almost broke it. I would come home every day with large bruises decorating my back like some demented tattoo.

So, when hearing of the two boys' troubled pasts, I can't help but relate.

Now, I do not condone their actions by any means. Far from it. But, I do not hate these boys. How can I? Brooks Brown, the friend they chose to spare spoke remarkably in his book No Easy Answers: The truth of the deaths at Columbine.He said :  "Eric and Dylan are the ones responsible for creating this tragedy. However, Columbine is responsible for creating Eric and Dylan."

These words rang so true to me. So much so that I nearly cried.

I know I should not be unearthing this, as some people believe it shouldn't matter anymore. But to me, as an aspiring teacher, I need to know. To see the warning signs. To see what has happened so rapidly in the past. I don't want to turn a blind eye to these happenings. Or hold my job over the heads of tortured students every day. I want to be the kind of teacher that any Eric and Dylan could look back on and decide not to commence a Columbine. That perhaps they could say  "This isn't what I what. Chrystina knows there is a different path, and chooses to take us down it. All we have to do is listen"

So, for those of you out there who feel an Eric or Dylan inside you, don't hate yourself. I wont hate you. Know that there are people out there who understand what it feels like to eat dirt, to be shoved into lockers or to be called names till you hide in a corner and cry.

Columbine should teach us a lesson. Not from what has happened then, but what can happen now.

Today has been great! I stayed over night at my new condo where I will be moving into soon and tore out a bunch of carpet and sprayed the walls with paint. It's gonna look so nice! And then, I went back home to go to work and had a good time. The people were the nice ones today. Anyways, I'm going to go type now as I have some plot bunnies jumping around in my brain begging to nibble *tee hee*